Book Excerpt from New Zealand with a Hobbit Botherer

14 Feb

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We’re hosting an excerpt from humor/travel book New Zealand with a Hobbit Botherer by John and Annette Gisby. I loved this excerpt!

Read The Excerpt

Rotorua: Hongi And Hangi

We pulled into the car park of the Royal Geyserland Hotel, swerving to avoid a final spurt of steam from a crack in the tarmac near the entrance.

We had been warned not to be concerned about the rather dated appearance of the place by the travel agent who recommended it. Guests at this establishment pay to look out, not to look at. Spectacular views over Te Whakarewarewa Thermal Reserve are promised from rooms on the upper floors. The trick is to acquire one of those rooms.

“Could we have a geyser view room?” I asked the woman behind the reception desk. I can’t remember whether I added please or whether I thought that being prostrate before her would be sufficient. She didn’t answer the question but asked one of her own. “You’re from London, aren’t you, eh?”

“Yes,” I admitted. “How did you know?”

“Geezer,” she said.

I had always referred to those jets of hot water which spurt from the ground in places where the earth’s crust is thin, as geezers. I was saddened to discover that that pronunciation made me sound as if I was auditioning for a gangster movie set in Larndan. “I fort ’e woz a diamond geezer bart I still ’ad ter parnish ’im.” (Translation: “I was under the impression that the gentleman was an awfully good chap but despite that fact I was compelled to give him a good dressing down.”)

The alternative pronunciation guy-zer seems a bit “costume drama” to me. “Oh. Mr Fancy. How very presumptuous of you to stroke my elbow as I sit admiring the guy-zer. We have only been engaged for thirty seven years. What on earth would Mama say?” (Translation: “Jump on me, Fancy. Now.”)

For the rest of our stay in Rotorua I tried my utmost to convert to the new way of speaking. The best I ever managed was gee-er-guy-zer.

Our room was on the next to top floor of the hotel, perhaps courtesy of my gangster-like accent, although I wish to emphasise that no mention of deep lakes and concrete footwear was ever made. Opening the door we were faced by a huge picture window through which the magnificent plumes of the Pohutu geyser could be seen forming the centrepiece of a vista in which stands of bush were interspersed with shimmering mineral coated rocks, bubbling mud, beautifully coloured pools and in the distance wooden buildings periodically swallowed by scalding fog. A pathway for visitors wound its way through the strange landscape. The promise of spectacular views had been delivered. And then some.

New Zealand with a Hobbit Botherer

hobbitbotherercoverTitle: New Zealand with a Hobbit Botherer

Authors: John and Annette Gisby

Genre: Humor / Travel

What should you do if your spouse becomes addicted to the Lord of the Rings movies and swoons at the very mention of Orlando Bloom’s name? (Thud. Quick, fetch the smelling salts.)

How about taking the advice of a strange apparition that reveals itself in a dream? An apparition that looks remarkably like the director of the movies, Peter Jackson, but not quite remarkably enough to prompt legal action.

An apparition that recommends touring New Zealand in an effort to prove that its sheep pastures aren’t really filled by frolicking Hobbits. Just sheep and the occasional zorbing local.

This is the hilarious tale of such a tour, featuring snow capped mountains and turquoise lakes, flightless birds and flying cattle, bungy jumping grannies and the carrot mafia, strange yellow eyes peering up from a road map and hotel receptionists always desperate to know win you are living.

Author Bio

john_annette_hobbitonAnnette Gisby

Annette Gisby grew up in a small town in Northern Ireland, moving to London when she was seventeen. She writes in multiple genres and styles, anything from romance to thriller or erotica to horror, even both at the same time. When not writing, she enjoys reading, cinema, theatre and travelling the world despite getting travel sick on most forms of transport., even a bicycle. Sometimes you might find her playing Dragon Quest or The Sims computer games or watching Japanese Anime. She lives in Hampshire with her husband, a collection of porcelain dolls, cuddly toys and enough books to fill a library. It’s diminishing gradually since the advent of ebooks, but still has a long way to go.

John Gisby

John Gisby is one of those rare English writers who doesn’t live in Surrey. He lives in Hampshire, next door, but with your help in recommending this book to all your friends he may be able to afford Surrey one day. His wife and leading lady is Annette, who is the author of several novels and short stories, also contributing to the Surrey fund. When John is not writing he enjoys travel, with an ambition to visit a different country for every year of his life, buying enough music to challenge the memory of his iPod and trying to play the guitar. Anyone who listens to these attempts agrees that it is very trying. His day job is science, often working for the mining industry, so more dwarf than hobbit really. Don’t tell the elves. By the way, Hampshire is much nicer than Surrey anyway.

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Ebook:

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One Response to “Book Excerpt from New Zealand with a Hobbit Botherer”

  1. Annette Gisby February 14, 2013 at 11:15 am #

    Thanks for hosting our book 🙂

    John & Annette

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